Restore yourself with an intentional moment. The author of Deep Listening and faculty lead for Flowing Through Transition guides us through a short, everyday healing practice to calm the body, break away from the feelings of never-ending stress, and create space to fully experience who we are.
For most of our lives, we’ve gotten the message that we have to get ahead — from our parents, from our teachers, from the media. We are a society of over-doers.
We are programmed to "do" a lot — it keeps us engaged and makes us feel productive and in control. Even when most of us “try” to relax, we go about it in a zealous, goal-oriented way. When I first discovered yoga, I felt the need to take classes seven days a week for three years, then sign up for a teacher training. All my efforts at relaxation used to be about "getting better."
Whether it’s from our endless to-do list or that feeling that we have to “get it right,” we are pushed and pulled all the time. Somehow, we believe that if we stop working so hard, it will not be okay. We will not be okay. And this creates a lot of stress.
The how and the why are typically informed in part by our family experiences. I grew up in a family of boys. I felt that to be seen and get approval I had to succeed in certain measurable ways. I always had to be getting better: better grades, better position, better job. I wasn’t enough just by being me in the world.
As a young woman, I wanted to feel valuable. I always felt valued when I worked. So I worked more. More jobs. More assignments. Better titles.
The ways I pushed, took on so much and pushed some more, eventually led to three major health crises during my 20s and 30s: a year-long bout with chronic fatigue following a marathon, panic attacks after the death of a family member, and a complete physical collapse after three sleep-deprived years caring for my ill infant. Each of these breakdowns pulled my emergency break — forced me to slow to an excruciatingly painful and slow crawl. I was a strong, can-do person — and then, suddenly, I wasn’t.
I now have reverence for my burnout, my anxiety, and the way that I dropped completely. These trials were my teachers. Again, I ask: Why am I always pushing so hard?
When we’re overdoing it, pushing ourselves around too hard, it feels as if we’re forever either running towards or away from something. Our nervous system is left to think, “Oh, if you’re running, things must not be okay. I’ll help! I’ll give you more of what you need to run!” That “help” sets off a whole series of not terribly healthy events in our body and in our mind — that keep us running on our limited fuel supply.
On top of all this, our habit of running around, conquering our to-do lists and energizing ourselves with coffee and ambition, can often be a way we avoid deep discomforts and unwelcomed feelings in the body and mind. Slowing down and pausing, can not only be difficult for our nervous systems, for our very survival, but can also make us feel so emotionally vulnerable that it is often just easier to keep on pushing.
Relaxation of the mind and the body is a learned skill. True relaxation is a conscious and intentional activity. We’re working with (and against) a system that is designed to not let its guard down easily.
Conscious relaxation asks us to stop engaging in all the doing and face what we really need to look at about ourselves. To learn about, befriend, and care for the whole of ourselves in a way we are not used to. For true renewal, this is an essential step for health and healing. Many people believe relaxing is about letting go. Rather than throw out, try to allow more space for what’s uncomfortable and create space for the full experience of who we are.
As we learn to slow down, pause, get grounded, grow present, and relax more deeply, we can be with ourselves and one another in a new way.
Conscious relaxation starts with pausing. Pause with me now.
Notice the support under your body. Let the ground hold you up. Allow your breath to arrive in your body. Feel your breath move through your body, expanding your ribs as it flows in, softening you as it flows out.
Relax on purpose — jaw dangling, shoulder blades draping down your back, hands unfurling.
Pausing is an activity that's accomplished exactly the way you'd think: Just stop for a bit. It is a small break that we take on purpose to gather ourselves. It's a tool to relax more deeply that we can use to release tension in our bodies and in our minds.
Pausing is not only a useful skill for slowing down moment by moment for day-to-day living, but as it's also an always-available activity, we can apply it regularly to transform our lives.
When we pause, we take a moment to be with ourselves, right here, right now, in whatever state we're in. We don't have to do anything. We don't have to feel any particular way. Pausing gives us extra room to take things in. It allows us time to listen to ourselves before responding or reacting. It gives us more time to work with what is uncomfortable. It allows us to see the sacredness and joy that is also always here within us.
When we practice pausing regularly, slowing down and returning to the present, we can choose to respond to the people and events in our lives from a place that’s more calm, clear, and open rather than react from old habits or stories that no longer serve us. We pause so we can pay attention to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us in a more compassionate way.
The more we practice on purpose, the more our practice is there for us in both the challenging and celebratory moments of our lives.
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Jillian will lead Flowing Through Transition: A Sacred Autumn Pause from October 13–16, 2023.
Restore yourself with an intentional moment. The author of Deep Listening and faculty lead for Flowing Through Transition guides us through a short, everyday healing practice to calm the body, break away from the feelings of never-ending stress, and create space to fully experience who we are.
For most of our lives, we’ve gotten the message that we have to get ahead — from our parents, from our teachers, from the media. We are a society of over-doers.
We are programmed to "do" a lot — it keeps us engaged and makes us feel productive and in control. Even when most of us “try” to relax, we go about it in a zealous, goal-oriented way. When I first discovered yoga, I felt the need to take classes seven days a week for three years, then sign up for a teacher training. All my efforts at relaxation used to be about "getting better."
Whether it’s from our endless to-do list or that feeling that we have to “get it right,” we are pushed and pulled all the time. Somehow, we believe that if we stop working so hard, it will not be okay. We will not be okay. And this creates a lot of stress.
The how and the why are typically informed in part by our family experiences. I grew up in a family of boys. I felt that to be seen and get approval I had to succeed in certain measurable ways. I always had to be getting better: better grades, better position, better job. I wasn’t enough just by being me in the world.
As a young woman, I wanted to feel valuable. I always felt valued when I worked. So I worked more. More jobs. More assignments. Better titles.
The ways I pushed, took on so much and pushed some more, eventually led to three major health crises during my 20s and 30s: a year-long bout with chronic fatigue following a marathon, panic attacks after the death of a family member, and a complete physical collapse after three sleep-deprived years caring for my ill infant. Each of these breakdowns pulled my emergency break — forced me to slow to an excruciatingly painful and slow crawl. I was a strong, can-do person — and then, suddenly, I wasn’t.
I now have reverence for my burnout, my anxiety, and the way that I dropped completely. These trials were my teachers. Again, I ask: Why am I always pushing so hard?
When we’re overdoing it, pushing ourselves around too hard, it feels as if we’re forever either running towards or away from something. Our nervous system is left to think, “Oh, if you’re running, things must not be okay. I’ll help! I’ll give you more of what you need to run!” That “help” sets off a whole series of not terribly healthy events in our body and in our mind — that keep us running on our limited fuel supply.
On top of all this, our habit of running around, conquering our to-do lists and energizing ourselves with coffee and ambition, can often be a way we avoid deep discomforts and unwelcomed feelings in the body and mind. Slowing down and pausing, can not only be difficult for our nervous systems, for our very survival, but can also make us feel so emotionally vulnerable that it is often just easier to keep on pushing.
Relaxation of the mind and the body is a learned skill. True relaxation is a conscious and intentional activity. We’re working with (and against) a system that is designed to not let its guard down easily.
Conscious relaxation asks us to stop engaging in all the doing and face what we really need to look at about ourselves. To learn about, befriend, and care for the whole of ourselves in a way we are not used to. For true renewal, this is an essential step for health and healing. Many people believe relaxing is about letting go. Rather than throw out, try to allow more space for what’s uncomfortable and create space for the full experience of who we are.
As we learn to slow down, pause, get grounded, grow present, and relax more deeply, we can be with ourselves and one another in a new way.
Conscious relaxation starts with pausing. Pause with me now.
Notice the support under your body. Let the ground hold you up. Allow your breath to arrive in your body. Feel your breath move through your body, expanding your ribs as it flows in, softening you as it flows out.
Relax on purpose — jaw dangling, shoulder blades draping down your back, hands unfurling.
Pausing is an activity that's accomplished exactly the way you'd think: Just stop for a bit. It is a small break that we take on purpose to gather ourselves. It's a tool to relax more deeply that we can use to release tension in our bodies and in our minds.
Pausing is not only a useful skill for slowing down moment by moment for day-to-day living, but as it's also an always-available activity, we can apply it regularly to transform our lives.
When we pause, we take a moment to be with ourselves, right here, right now, in whatever state we're in. We don't have to do anything. We don't have to feel any particular way. Pausing gives us extra room to take things in. It allows us time to listen to ourselves before responding or reacting. It gives us more time to work with what is uncomfortable. It allows us to see the sacredness and joy that is also always here within us.
When we practice pausing regularly, slowing down and returning to the present, we can choose to respond to the people and events in our lives from a place that’s more calm, clear, and open rather than react from old habits or stories that no longer serve us. We pause so we can pay attention to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us in a more compassionate way.
The more we practice on purpose, the more our practice is there for us in both the challenging and celebratory moments of our lives.
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Jillian will lead Flowing Through Transition: A Sacred Autumn Pause from October 13–16, 2023.
Restore yourself with an intentional moment. The author of Deep Listening and faculty lead for Flowing Through Transition guides us through a short, everyday healing practice to calm the body, break away from the feelings of never-ending stress, and create space to fully experience who we are.
For most of our lives, we’ve gotten the message that we have to get ahead — from our parents, from our teachers, from the media. We are a society of over-doers.
We are programmed to "do" a lot — it keeps us engaged and makes us feel productive and in control. Even when most of us “try” to relax, we go about it in a zealous, goal-oriented way. When I first discovered yoga, I felt the need to take classes seven days a week for three years, then sign up for a teacher training. All my efforts at relaxation used to be about "getting better."
Whether it’s from our endless to-do list or that feeling that we have to “get it right,” we are pushed and pulled all the time. Somehow, we believe that if we stop working so hard, it will not be okay. We will not be okay. And this creates a lot of stress.
The how and the why are typically informed in part by our family experiences. I grew up in a family of boys. I felt that to be seen and get approval I had to succeed in certain measurable ways. I always had to be getting better: better grades, better position, better job. I wasn’t enough just by being me in the world.
As a young woman, I wanted to feel valuable. I always felt valued when I worked. So I worked more. More jobs. More assignments. Better titles.
The ways I pushed, took on so much and pushed some more, eventually led to three major health crises during my 20s and 30s: a year-long bout with chronic fatigue following a marathon, panic attacks after the death of a family member, and a complete physical collapse after three sleep-deprived years caring for my ill infant. Each of these breakdowns pulled my emergency break — forced me to slow to an excruciatingly painful and slow crawl. I was a strong, can-do person — and then, suddenly, I wasn’t.
I now have reverence for my burnout, my anxiety, and the way that I dropped completely. These trials were my teachers. Again, I ask: Why am I always pushing so hard?
When we’re overdoing it, pushing ourselves around too hard, it feels as if we’re forever either running towards or away from something. Our nervous system is left to think, “Oh, if you’re running, things must not be okay. I’ll help! I’ll give you more of what you need to run!” That “help” sets off a whole series of not terribly healthy events in our body and in our mind — that keep us running on our limited fuel supply.
On top of all this, our habit of running around, conquering our to-do lists and energizing ourselves with coffee and ambition, can often be a way we avoid deep discomforts and unwelcomed feelings in the body and mind. Slowing down and pausing, can not only be difficult for our nervous systems, for our very survival, but can also make us feel so emotionally vulnerable that it is often just easier to keep on pushing.
Relaxation of the mind and the body is a learned skill. True relaxation is a conscious and intentional activity. We’re working with (and against) a system that is designed to not let its guard down easily.
Conscious relaxation asks us to stop engaging in all the doing and face what we really need to look at about ourselves. To learn about, befriend, and care for the whole of ourselves in a way we are not used to. For true renewal, this is an essential step for health and healing. Many people believe relaxing is about letting go. Rather than throw out, try to allow more space for what’s uncomfortable and create space for the full experience of who we are.
As we learn to slow down, pause, get grounded, grow present, and relax more deeply, we can be with ourselves and one another in a new way.
Conscious relaxation starts with pausing. Pause with me now.
Notice the support under your body. Let the ground hold you up. Allow your breath to arrive in your body. Feel your breath move through your body, expanding your ribs as it flows in, softening you as it flows out.
Relax on purpose — jaw dangling, shoulder blades draping down your back, hands unfurling.
Pausing is an activity that's accomplished exactly the way you'd think: Just stop for a bit. It is a small break that we take on purpose to gather ourselves. It's a tool to relax more deeply that we can use to release tension in our bodies and in our minds.
Pausing is not only a useful skill for slowing down moment by moment for day-to-day living, but as it's also an always-available activity, we can apply it regularly to transform our lives.
When we pause, we take a moment to be with ourselves, right here, right now, in whatever state we're in. We don't have to do anything. We don't have to feel any particular way. Pausing gives us extra room to take things in. It allows us time to listen to ourselves before responding or reacting. It gives us more time to work with what is uncomfortable. It allows us to see the sacredness and joy that is also always here within us.
When we practice pausing regularly, slowing down and returning to the present, we can choose to respond to the people and events in our lives from a place that’s more calm, clear, and open rather than react from old habits or stories that no longer serve us. We pause so we can pay attention to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us in a more compassionate way.
The more we practice on purpose, the more our practice is there for us in both the challenging and celebratory moments of our lives.
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Jillian will lead Flowing Through Transition: A Sacred Autumn Pause from October 13–16, 2023.
Esalen Institute
55000 Highway 1
Big Sur, CA 93920
US: 1-831-667-3000
info@esalen.org
