Social Distancing with Emotional Connecting

"I’ve been calling this time a ‘sacred pause."

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Esalen faculty and author-musician-speaker Justin Michael Williams wants to help people wake up to their own brilliance. By working diligently at the intersections of social justice, mindfulness and personal growth, Justin’s passion to help others is undeniably strong.

Especially now, when a global pandemic has allowed him to look more closely at how we can strengthen our connections with each other.

“The term being used now is ‘social distancing’ but when we say that, sometimes we take it as really distancing how we connect with others,” Justin says. “It’s really ‘physical distancing.’ When we switch it to that term, it changes the meaning for us. We feel different. We feel less lonely and it’s possibly even a little less scary to say those words. I’ve been calling this time a ‘sacred pause.’”

Justin is the author of the new book Stay Woke and among the featured faculty in two upcoming Esalen workshops: The Art and Science of Mindfulness, Compassion and Awe, a campus-wide gathering August 9-14; and The Making of a Modern Elder, led by former Esalen trustee and faculty member Chip Conley October 30-November 1. We turned to Justin, who shares five ways we can remember social distancing does not equate to emotional distancing.

1. Shift From ‘I’ to ‘We’

Justin says: “One thing Chip, a mentor of mine, recently said, was that if we replaced the ‘I’ in illness with the word ‘we’ then illness becomes ‘wellness.’ I thought that was genius. It’s interesting what’s happening now, which is calling us to shift from the individualized need of the ‘I’ state, which oftentimes looks to money, power and status, and really look at the ‘we’ element—all of us coming together—and how none of us can be well without all of us being well.

This time is really showing us how to do that. The liberation of one of our groups is essential to the liberation of all of our groups. Everyone is not privileged enough to look at this moment as a "sacred pause." And for those of us who are, we must be thinking of how we can make the world a better and more equitable place for all of us on the other side of this. If we can share this idea with others, we invite more connection."

2. Notice How We Are All In This Together

Sometimes it may feel as if the current political climate may be separating us, but Justin notes a recent event that reminded us we are on the same walk together. “Kobe Bryant’s passing in late January was much different from what is happening right now, but it seemed like we were all on the same page at the same moment,” Justin says. “And I don’t even watch basketball. With COVID-19, for the first time in our lifetime, everyone in the world is literally on the same walk together—that’s never happened and we’re all having to work together.”

Justin adds that while many of us may be physically disconnected now, on a grander scale, we actually have a greater opportunity to connect with each other. ““If I can just zoom out of this without negating the trauma and the lives being affected, it does feel like something really important is happening; that regardless of our race, what country we live in and how much money we have, we are actually all connected,” Justin adds. “If we don’t all work together then none of us can be well. And that’s fascinating when you consider what’s been going on politically.”

3. Go Beneath the Worry and the Fear

Ask yourself: what’s really underneath the worry and fear that may be present? Communicate that with the people you love. “Recently I had a conversation with my mom who works for the airlines and is still being called into work,” Justin says.

“She’s older but instead of me going in with this worry that she is already aware of—'mom, I’m worried you’re going to get sick and you should stay home’—I actually just spoke to what’s underneath that, which is, ‘mom, I love you so much. I care about you so much. These times are making me worry and it’s making me recognize how much more you mean to me.’

“If we drop beneath the worry, beneath the fear, it’s actually showing us how much our lives, jobs, relationships and connections mean to us. Drop below the worry, and see what you find there."

4. Schedule Virtual Community Dinners

Justin shares how he began virtual community—or ‘friends as family’—dinners every Saturday evening to strengthen community. Using Zoom, he hosts 10 of his friends across the country and in addition to meal time, where conversations form during a communal meal, he also initiates games that spark connection. “I love that we can have a deep talk with one another while having dinner,” Justin says. “For people who want to do this: set an intention that the purpose of ‘dinner time' is connection and create several questions or topics that can be discussed, but not about the coronavirus.”

5. Realize We Can and Will Overcome

“Human beings have been through hardship before,” Justin says. “We know how to do this. We know how to make it through challenging moments. We’ve been through many of them in our lives. The thing that I encourage people to do, if you have the opportunity and privilege to look at it this way, is to really look at this moment as a sacred pause or even a reset.

“Take inventory of what’s been happening in your life and pause to see how you can connect more deeply within yourself. Many people have said they’ve always wanted to write a book, a script, a song, play more with their kids, do art or do things that would make them come more alive. They’ve said, ‘Well, I would do this if I just had more time.’ And now, we have time.

“As we’re looking at this moment wishing to connect outward, we can also connect inward. And not only by sitting and meditating, but also looking at the passions we may have pushed aside in our lives and to wake those up. When we do, we connect into a resource within ourselves that's endless and infinite, and from that place, we can connect with others, and find the agency to take action—for ourselves, our families, our communities, the planet, and for those who cannot take action for themselves. We're in this thing together, and we will rise—together.”

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